Today we moved our beds from where we were living with my mother in law, down the road five minutes to our new rental house. It will be our first night sleeping in our new home. All day long I could feel the pull of both houses. In a very real way; both places were home at the same time. I spent a lot of time thinking about the rituals that would be changed and the routines that would be shuffled. Standing with one foot in both camps made my heart sit in my stomach for a while.
I watched today as my wife shifted back and forth between sadness and joy. As we were leaving to get in the car, one of my mother in law’s dogs ran out after us and got into our car. Mary ended up being the one to pick her up and carry her back inside. I’m not sure if the dogs knew we were moving or if they could just sense our state of emotion and were responding to our signals, but it was a beautiful and sad experience.
My son is asleep in the other room now after fighting me with all his might to prevent me from putting on his seatbelt and driving him away from his Mimi’s house. His screams struck a chord with me as if it were me who was screaming, or some part of me, deep down. Change is an ocean of powerful waves.
My Mother in Law
My mother in law is a really wonderful person. Even though I know that I will see her quite often, the little things that are changing are the most powerful. I get choked up thinking that, in the morning, she will be making her own pot of coffee and not walking out to the smell already dancing down the hall. She won’t ask which show we want to watch tonight and I won’t get to hear her sing to the Celtic ballads on her favorite radio program.
About midday today I was working on unpacking a few boxes when it occurred to me that I had no idea what day of the week it was. Without the ability to look at my calendar it was equally possible to me that was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
I stood up, walked out into the yard, and felt myself rolling with the unseated feeling that was shifting inside me. What day is it and where do I live? Where is home? Is it Sunday? It must be Sunday. Where is home?
Tomorrow I am sure this will all be a little bit less powerful and a little more normal. For tonight I will let it be what it is. An ocean.